People Trapped in a Time Warp

No, they aren't aliens in anachronistic disguise who have been exposed by the Daily Mirror in the article "Time Warp Wives." These are just normal gals discussing their complete mental retreat into a fantasy of the good 'ole days. Or at least that's what the the newspaper wants us to believe.

The general gist of the article is this "Men and women knew their roles in society and there wasn't all this pressure on women to have to go out to work and try to be equal to men. "- Diane Rowlands, a.k.a. Mrs. 1930s and arch enemy of Katherine Hepburn.

They all seem to believe that drugs and violence were invented in some later decade. Fascinating.

Of course, the point is to live in a complete fantasy-land, so in their versions of the past, perhaps they mentally corrected these errors. I get it. I mean, I can't go on pretending to be a medieval princess if I have to contend with the constant threat of invasion, death-by-cold, and the fact that baths are a big no-no. In the meantime, would you like to come over for some mead and rock-hard "cake"? Oh, and we're going to the basement to watch them install the iron maiden.

Okay, that fantasy did get a little weird.

Cougar on the Daily Show

After three weeks of houseguests, I'm ready to start up the blog again. And what better way than to share a hilarious clip from the "Daily Show." This is a great commentary on the so-called "cougar" phenomenon, one of those ridiculous trend stories that clogs the airwaves.

Suitcase Planter

Ever wonder what you should do with that busted old suitcase? Well, these people in the Cobble Hill section of Brooklyn turned it into a lovely planter.

Funny Thing About Cosmetic Science

I worry about my appearance as much as the next gal. It's as if my various problems—real or imagined—are on some sort of weekly rotation that include frizzy hair, the color of my teeth, cellulite, and dark circles. Really, none of it is too bad but what can I do? New York is a city with a disproportionate number of models or model/actresses or people who could be models. So there we are.

Clicking around on the nytimes.com today, I found an article addressing the dark circle or what I like to call the Frankenstein Eyes Syndrome. That's Dr. Frankenstein to you. After reading the article, I just had to share. According to the article, the cost of creams can start in the $20 range and surgery can cost a ridiculous $800. The worst part is that they still aren't sure what causes this condition, which can be quite severe for some people.

It's a vanity thing, sure. But how do doctors get away with approving creams and surgery for something they don't even understand? I am starting to think that it's one big joke on half of our population.

The New York Times is on the case and after interviewing a professor of dermatology, I now understand it all:

"There are a lot of factors that contribute to quote-unquote dark circles,” said Dr. Diane Berson, an assistant professor of dermatology at the Weill Medical College of Cornell University in Manhattan. “It’s a combination of heredity and genetics."

You see, it's heredity AND genetics. It is all so clear.

You see, it's a combination of your lineage as well as the family tree. Your parents as well as your chromosomes. I realize that I am picking on one quote among many and this isn't cancer we're talking about, but don't we deserve a little better when this is a major industry? Women are expected to look good and on the whole, but women pay a good portion of income on bad science.

I'll just try to get some sleep, take my vitamins, and slap on the concealer. At least two of these things aren't a complete waste of time.

1960s + Bollywood + Scary Animals

A friend of mine directed me to this superfantastic and bizarre video on YouTube. My first thoughts:

Did someone spike my coffee with LSD?
Is this a bad trip?
Are we finally getting transmissions from another planet?
If I time traveled to the 1960s, what would be more disorientating—going to a Monkees concert, Woodstock, or just living this video?

The Truth Behind The Ten Commandments (the movie)

In The Ten Commandments, I Performed All My Own Miracles

Every year, during the special holiday season, one can watch a reenactment of the great Hebrew Exodus from Egypt. The movie is a grand epic about princes, forbidden love, and a man who received messages through burning plants. It was one of the few Jewish stories that made us look tough despite some big doses of crazy. Do any biblical characters resemble real people?

I had to watch the movie every year at Hebrew school, so now whenever I read about Moses, I imagine Charlton Heston. He is Moses and no matter how hard I try to give him another face, it is always that way. Does anyone else have this problem?

The "Onion" writers pretty much had the same idea and took it to the next logical place. The late Charlton Heston apparently self-reported that not only did he do his own stunts, but that he actually performed each of the miracles for the sake of the movie. Check it out, if you missed it at the beginning of the month.

(Okay, um, so I forgot to post this during the Passover holiday. Happy belated Easter too!)

Trapped Video

This is one of the scariest videos I have ever seen. It could have been you or me or anyone we know who has worked in a big office building. When I used to work for McGraw-Hill, we heard rumors about this person, about the frightening story of one man being trapped in an elevator for an entire weekend. But now I see that it is true.



Ever since my friends and I were stuck in my apartment elevator for 30 minutes, I have avoided that claustrophobic space as often as possible. And that was only half an hour of torture. Or was it fifteen minutes? But forty hours is unthinkable.

I grabbed the video from gawker.com (yes, a guilty pleasure gossip site) but you can read a bit more of the story in the New Yorker. But if you already have a little elevator phobia, just don't read the article. Forget I ever mentioned it. Go watch 30 Rock or something and think about all of the fun one can have in an office building. That is what I'm about to do.

Finally, an online game for girls

I love video games and computer games in general. You can rule the world, race and appreciate the physics of a collision, or you can work out some occasional aggression with a realistic shoot 'em up or the less realistic and super cute LEGO® Star Wars.

But no one can deny that these games and virtual worlds can manipulate your senses and affect your real life reactions. I tend to feel pretty emotional when my character is losing a fight. If you've ever played HALO, you might have felt the same unwelcome rush of adrenaline that accompanies the realistic battle. (Halo is on my list of banned games.) Games are also addictive, which either means not everyone should play or that programmers might think about including some built-in timers. But, I don't have an answer for that problem. These are a few reasons why parents should pay some attention to what the kids are playing on their PS3 or xBox late at night.

Now, most of these games are aimed at males. I don't know why. It might be that the marketing surveys discovered that girls get bored more easily. Or more likely, they just don't identify so much with the male characters or scantily clad females that inhabit the majority of the games. I sometimes like to imagine that male characters are just too delicate to run around in a bathing suit, unlike the super strong females. But gaming is still young and perhaps the right game just needs to come along to entertain them. So, I just had to share this new and super fabulous online game with you: Miss Bimbo.

"Become the hottest, coolest most famous bimbo ever !"

And I thought that Barbie dolls were supposed to be bad for a impressionable girls. I'm not making this up so check it out for yourself. Although I haven't played the game, I'm feeling a strange and intense visceral reaction... I might throw up now.

Food Fight

This video is making the email rounds today. You might want to laugh at first but it's surprisingly thought-provoking.

Oscar Thoughts...and sharks

The Oscars came and went. As usual, my husband and I avoided all parties and entertainment dedicated to the event. Until I sell a screenplay or star in a movie, I really shouldn't have to be subjected to the marathon of bad song numbers, insider jokes, and back slapping that occurs once a year for 3 hours.

But, that doesn't stop me from watching videos of the odd speeches. Actually this dubbed acceptance speech makes me want to see "There Will Be Blood." Milkshakes, anyone? [Note on the video: This video is no longer available due to a copyright claim by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences—so sensitive, aren't they?]

But can you tell me why the silliest "drama" won any prizes? Seriously, "No Country for Old Men" made me laugh out loud. Maybe it's a guy thing. Or a macho American thing. Or a gun-toting nihilist thing that seems to be getting pretty popular in schools and shopping malls all over the country. I might just be angry that "Atonement," a beautiful story about love, regret, classism, and the horrors of war lost out in the Best Picture category.

A good story is difficult to write. I get it. But an entire film about two people who have no motivations whatsoever for their actions? Even the shark in Jaws had a more believable character arc than the characters in this movie- well apart from the hilarious Woody Harrelson.

Why bring up Jaws yet again? I'm glad you asked. Well, I've been a bad blogger and although all three of my readers aren't too worried about it, I feel like I should have mentioned something earlier about Roy Scheider's death on February 10th. He was a great actor and starred in "Jaws" and "The French Connection" (best car chase ever). Very sad but this has been a year of Hollywood funerals.

Anyhow, as much as I protest and vow to skip the Oscars, they still get to me. What can I say? I do love the movies.

Love and Romans

Today is Valentine's Day, the ultimate pink and red Hallmark ™ holiday. First off, I'd have to say it inspires many bitter discussions amongst my New York friends. It is tough enough to be single without everyone rubbing it in your face. As for us couples, we'd like to think that we're more authentic in our love lives. Why should a calendar tell us to exchange silly cards and flowers? And yet, if we miss out on the ritual of this day, then we're deliberately taking the fun out of a harmless and indulgent day.

So, what to do? I might bake something. Nothing says "I love you" like baked goods. Actually saying the words would do it too, but you can't put strawberries on top of words.

The History Channel website gives a remarkably vague explanation for the origins of Valentine's Day. You'd think they would have prepared a reeneactment of some sort. St. Valentine is a mystery, much like the very definition of love. He may have been a Christian martyr who lived and died in Rome during the the 3rd century.

A more entertaining version of the origin of Valentine's day is also described on the site. It could be a Christianized version of the ancient Roman holiday called Lupercalia. The holiday was a fertility festival day dedicated to the Roman god of agriculture. Though ancient Roman customs may seem odd to us now, it was once acceptable to slap women and fields of wheat with bloodsoaked strips of goat hide. I am not making this up- but I can't guarantee that someone else didn't invent the story long before me.

So, Happy Valentine's Day!

Mac vs. PC

A friend of mine forwarded a funny link to an article in "Advertising Age" featuring some new research that unveils the truth behind those Mac vs. PC ads on television.

According to the article, the research was conducted on 7,500 Nielsen online consumers by Mindset Media, which I take to be this same Mindset Media. The company is an internet ad network for brands that boasts: "Only Mindset Media lets blue-chip advertisers reach their psychographic targets on a mass scale in simple online media buys." Huh? Welcome to the murky world and spicy jargon of marketing and advertising.

Anyway, the fun part about this is that this "research"confirmed many PC-users suspicions; that we Mac users are conceited jerks. It's kinda hilarious. You can catch the article here.

The Cable Guy

Last week was very eventful. In fact, I had a fistful of tidbits to keep this little blog in business—a business without the actual money part, of course. But then I encountered my very own black swan. The unforeseeable cable outage. Dear lord! Okay, maybe it wasn't that dramatic but what was an occasionally dedicated blogger to do? I lost my Internet and the telephone was a dead. We were cut off entirely. But now all is good. We are back in business due to my Cable Guy.

Ahh. Cable Guy. You have saved us again and again. In web ding language/font they call you Cable Guy. The words are probably pronounced with a clicking sound in the web ding language. Don't you love to play with fonts? And in some suburban cultures, I believe that you are worshipped as a god. Like the god of cute furry animals, you bring joy wherever you go. Or you are like the god of coffee, who could bring hyperactivity to cute furry animals.

He was an unexpected visitor this morning and I must admit to a slightly hostile welcome. After all, I just got out of my shower when suddenly the doorbell rang. I threw on the standard work-from-home clothes but without my face cream, I actually couldn't smile too much lest my skin crack off. We have a slight humidity issue, I guess.

After my dreadlocked cable guy explained the situation, I let him into the apartment and we proceeded to search for what I imagined to be a mythical cable box. But after a phone call to the building's superintendent, we eventually found it in the hallway closet.

Now, I am very good at hiding dirty laundry and most embarrassing unmentionables that tend to multiply around the apartment. But I forgot that my sparkling, look-at-me, belly dancing costume was hanging right in front of the cable box. It doesn't fit in the unmentionable category but you never know what a stranger will react to in your closet. At first, I believe that he thought I was a gypsy woman. But seemed open-minded about it, so I casually corrected him, "It's for belly dancing, not for telling fortunes."

Yes, I own a sexy costume and have worn it on the odd occasion even *gasp* on Halloween. I don't know why I worried.

We quickly moved on from that topic to discuss the various wires that had no business being connected to each other and other technical details. Still, in return for learning something about me, the Cable Guy shared a few tales about life as a cable guy, and it's dark underbelly.

He's been called to homes where the lack of cable television elevated domestic arguments to full on dish-throwing brawls. An aged, frightened widow, so desperate for a cable fix, locked him in the backyard. That was actually one of the weirder stories.

Cable Guy also described a frightening afternoon when he was held prisoner in a dissatisfied customer's home. The police finally freed him. The biggest shocker was the customer who pulled a gun on him. I'm not sure how he got out of that one. And this is all in the name of cable service.

I'd hate to think that he was making up his stories for the sole purpose of entertaining me. No, I am sure that he was genuine and I will pass on his tales to others, so that we remember to be grateful for the cable guy. He risks his life everyday and yet instead of thanking him for his good work (Yay! He fixed my phone and Internet!) we make his life hell. It's not like the movie at all. Not at all! Remember Cable Guy?

On his way out, we joked a bit more about life and that pesky costume of mine that mildly captured his imagination. So, feeling mildly competitive in the story telling department, I told him that I too risk my life, for I am actually a dancing superhero and he now knows my guarded secret identity. I wonder who tells a more believable story...

Construction Below

The construction continues beneath my apartment. I hate to complain about noises, but I work from home. At least I try to stick to the home office to write one half of the world's longest screenplay. So perhaps I have the right to complain out loud. And the noises start at 7 am!

It's really muffled banging noises, either the occasional hammering or sound of large men moving heavy objects. The drilling has stopped for the most part, although there was another incident not too many weeks back when I thought that I would need to steady all of the dishes and glasses with my hands lest they bounce to the floor.

All this for a clothing shop frequented by the noisiest demographic in existence. No problem, we'll wait and see what happens to the noise levels when Urban Outfitters finally opens.

At the Hotel, Don't Touch that Drinking Glass

A recent television report exposed the common practices of the hotel staff, which should make your stomach turn. If you haven't already seen this video, which is doing the email rounds at the moment, you can check out the video here.

It's not just that the drinking glasses aren't being cleaned with soap and water, it is also quite disturbing that they maids have found other unusual ways of giving these glasses that clean look— from a good wipe down with your used washcloth to a few squirts with a toxic blue chemical probably used for toilet cleaning.

This is too disturbing to think about, but good to know that it isn't just the door handle or remote control that holds all of the serious germs. I guess it's time to drink the old fashioned way: directly out of that mini bottle of gin or cola or tonic. Or you could take a swig out of one followed by the other so that the cocktail is actually created in your mouth.

It reminds me of other reports on the quality of drinking water on airplanes. Remember that story?

Iran and Watersports

It was not even a year ago when a British military vessel somehow "wandered" into Iranian waters. They were boarded and 15 serviceman and women were taken prisoner by the Iranians for 12 days. Read more here.

Apparently, the U.S. Navy had some excitement of its own on Sunday when three of its ships nearly entered into a skirmish with Iranian Revolutionary Guard fast boats in the same region. This news article reports that the Iranian ships radioed the message: "You are going to blow up within minutes." They moved in and out of formation— and I have no idea what kind of shape that looks like— but it must have been pretty menacing since our guys went on the defensive. However no one was hurt in the incident.

I suppose that the Persian Gulf's Strait of Hormuz, should not on anyone's top five luxury cruise routes.