Insomnia

It finally happened. The big bad sleep disorder or syndrome or whatever called insomnia. I probably had a mild case. After all of these years of bad boyfriends, worries over grades, encounters with terrorists, and a sincere belief in ghosts did it finally happen to me?

At first I didn't believe that I was the type. There used to be a time when I looked forward to those few minutes before falling asleep when I could imagine any world or any situation to please myself. There was a few recurring fantasies about having superpowers and saving orphanages full of children. Sometimes I fulfilled my dress-up fantasies and imagined the 18th century court at Versailles. Then there were the typical pirates on the high seas scenarios where I convince the captain of the ship to let me take charge of the whole operation.

Then there are the dreams. I love to dream. I can remember some of my favorites up to 15 years ago. There is that one fascinating nightmare that I had as a four year old that I still can't shake where I was walking in a beautiful ballroom of some fancy hotel when WHAM! and explosion destroys the world around me, leaving shards of glass and twisted metal all around me. But even then, after waking from this horrifying apocalypse, I was never kept awake for too long. More sleep awaited me. A better dream. You can live out an entire alternate life within the nightly sleep cycle. I've been different races. In a few I lived as the other sex— and sometimes both at once. That was a very odd dream indeed.

For five days last week the sweetness of a full night's sleep eluded me. Each night it would start with a loud bang around 3.30-4.00 a.m. On night #1 I decided to scare myself with an overactive imagination. I scanned the room for the noise source. Looking at our closet I saw an impossibly large man standing in the dark. An intruder! He was going to kill me in my sleep but obviously froze up when I heard his clumsy entrance. But after a few moments and a bit more focus, I realized that it was just a mess of clothes dangling off hangers and onto the floor. I was safe, for the time being.

Then it happened again, each night for five nights last week and the bang and wallop of the crashing sounds outside also gave me a little clue. Oh yes, it was coming from my busy Brooklyn street. No real surprise there, I suppose. You can bet it is one of those garbage trucks. That, or a cement mixer. Oh why can't they work normal hours?

You may be thinking, "That is not insomnia, you foolish woman." But let me finish. Within moments I forget about the outside world and realize that I am not only awake but wide awake. This is an important distinction because when you are overtired, some kind of kick occurs inside of the brain and before you know it all of the worries of the day come flooding into the mind: must get renters' insurance; need to learn to drive like every other American; or why is it so hard to figure out the paperwork for my tiny retirement account? Those are only the first three upsetting thoughts among the dozen or so that can drive a person mad at 3.30 in the morning when nothing is to be done.

There will always be something to keep a person awake all night. Health fears, love fears, and general confusion about how to navigate our lives. THE MAN has made it very difficult indeed. But I now know the answer to insomnia of this sort.

My insomnia cure

Do not drink coffee after your supper. Make sure you finish that glass of wine at least 1.5 hours before bed. Turn on a fan or air conditioner to block out the noise and keep an extra pillow nearby in order to attach them to either side of your head if necessary. Most importantly, be sure to knock at least one item from your list of things-to-do during the day. (We finally got that insurance we needed. ) If all else fails, try to answer the following questions:

1. What are the three basic rock types?

2. What did you eat for lunch three days ago?

3. What is the difference between the summer solstice and spring equinox?

4. What is the birth order of your 3 best friends?

5. Which fantasy vacation do you find most appealing?

I guarantee that you will fall asleep within 20 minutes.