I was going to write about the Oscars but I failed to watch the 4 hour show. In retribution, the gods of entertainment struck me down with food poisoning the very next night. Still, that shouldn't stop a person from adding their two cent thoughts on this overblown ceremony. Yes, it is nice for all of us to forget all of our worries and immerse ourselves in the world of glamor and fantasy. And yet, maybe we should just celebrate more winners in high style. That's the ticket! It could appeal to everyone and we'll call it something simple like "bravo!" Oh wait. That's taken. Hmm. How about "The Awards Channel"?
My suggestion for this year's lineup:
- Award for best use of the color red in junk food.
- Hair Style Awards
- Jury Duty Awards
- Most successful 747 landings in bad weather awards
- Procrastination Awards (it would begin an hour later than originally scheduled)
- Pet Trick Awards (because shouldn't dog shows be more like a talent show?)
- Honest Politician Award (Ha! Just kidding)
- Best Use of Real Tragedy for Good Ratings Award (open to all TV news and talk shows)
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